I believe if these "swinging" couples try and say theyre happy, theyre lying- if not to us- to themselves and their mates. it doesnt disgust me but it makes me sad,what happened to "marriage" in all meaning of the word? i cant imagine what i would do or what i would feel if my husband(13yrs)EVER came to me to tell me he wanted to do this, if these couples are honest im sure someones feelings were hurt at some point, im curious to read more on this... love you carrie!!! good work as always

I hope this story will be presented in an objective manner. Usually when stories about swinging are presented, the view of those who participating are presented in a less-than-favorable light. And like the first person to comment, there will always be a large number of people who just can't understand why people do this because they can't relate themselves, or have grown up believing that sex outside of marriage is taboo.

I know several happy (Yes, HAPPY) couples who are in the swinging lifestyle. This is a lifestyle that is only successful when it is approached by in love, couples who are secure with themselves and each other. To them, swinging is not a replacement for something missing in their marriage nor a way to improve upon it. It is a hobby, recreation, nothing else. It can actually make a strong marriage stronger, especially when the husband and wife are honest enough about sex to discuss it openly with each other. It makes me sad that so many couples can't find this honesty and security with each other.

And key parties? I wonder if these couples are pulling your leg, as key parties are a throwback to the '70's, when swinging was approached in a less safe, less selective manner. It makes me curious, to say the least. I'm guessing these couples already know each other quite well.

With all due respect you are very misinformed as to how these parties and people conduct themselves. While it was true many years ago that 'key' parties were how some engaged in this activity I can assure you that is no longer the case. Couples DO NOT randomly 'swing' any longer. They are very selective with whom they play with. And you need to get informed before going public with such statements.

This should be interesting since we have never seen any article or media coverage that accurately depicts the "lifestyle". We personally know dozens of couples that are actively involved and they are very stable in their personal relationships. It's not about being "bored" with your partner far from it. It's actually more about socializing than anything and if something more develops between couples then that's just a bonus. Most couples have "rules" about what they do and are very selective about who they do as well. Swinging is big business these days as well, many resorts around the country and abroad cater specifically to the lifestyle. It is not age specific either. We enjoy the lifestyle people and activities more than our boring "Vanilla" friends who are always having marital issues like cheating or don't get out and socialize and their marriages become stagnant. We have a very solid 6 yr relationship that has simply improved in many ways because of the lifestyle. Bottom line is it's an alternative, another sexual avenue that people freely choose to pursue and should not be viewed as it was 30 - 40 years ago.

I agree that there is an incredible misconception out there about people who are involved in the swinging community. The media absolutely LOVES to over-sensationalize anything that could stir up interest in a given situation or topic. Does that make it objective or completely un-biased?? Probably not.

I also believe that, as human beings, historically we have feared or hated what we don't understand. As we evolve as humans in today's world, some people choose not to follow the path of our parents, grandparents, etc. wheh it comes to our sex lives. Secure, committed couples who ALSO happen to still enjoy casual sex with other partners are not interfering with anyone's ability to raise their children in "Suburbia", nor are they pressing their hobbies on anyone who is not willing. You are not likely to be mugged coming out of the grocery store by a hardened, desperate "swinger".

From an objective point of view, let's consider this: How many wives or husbands are out in the world keeping company behind the back of their spouse, practicing infidelity as well as putting themselves and their partners at risk? Is cheating or having an affair something new in Suburban life among married or committed couples?? Believe it or not, there are actually couples out there who ARE honest enough with each other to say, "Honey, we have a great sex life together, and we love each other enough to find new ways to improve on it even more! However, we have to be safe, we have to be open and honest with each other, and we have to involve ourselves with people we know and trust well."

We don't live in the '60s anymore, where casual sex, drug use, and general lack of concern for anyone's well being, but that doesn't mean that men and women have given up on ever wanting to have the BEST sex life they can have with whoever they are involved with or married to. Growing up, some of us humans go through an "experimentation" phase in life, and at the end of that phase, some people find much worse things than a swinger lifestyle to participate in. How much does it REALLY matter who fools around with who, as long as everyone is safe, consenting, and responsible about it?
Carey, we are looking forward to your honest and accurate report on the entire "alternative lifestyle", and welcome any questions you may have to get the OTHER side of the story.

Very well put Chrissy, Steve and H2.

"We" who are in the "lifestyle",been married over 10 yrs, extremely happy together and very much still in LOVE are curious to see how your story portrays us...or our type as some might say.

What is the type of person who is in the Lifestyle? You already know them - they are your neighbors, friends, co-workers, church members, lawyers - and perhaps *gasp* even members of your family - they hide this aspect of their lives pretty well from the glaring condescension of folks who they know won't understand their personal choices.

Typically, "swingers" are otherwise normal, everyday couples who are secure, honest, and madly in love with each other, who would never cheat, but happen to find it natural to not be sexually exclusive.

p.s. And it's more likely than not they've never been to a "key party". Those went out with shag carpet and velvet bellbottoms.

This will be interesting to see how objective this topic will be presented to the viewing public.

As was pointed out, most of this "type" of activity went out of vogue in the 70's....or so we thought.

Afterall, swinging involves both partners, not just one. If it was only one, then it would be cheating and not applicable to this venue.

It seems that today's swingers are more selective and place a value on long-term friendships that just wanting "one-night-stands" as is shown by the "nameless Scottsdale community". This shows a degree of social responsibilty for both the community and the participating individuals.

Prior to marriage, didn't all of us celebrate this life-style to some extent or another, known as "recreational sex", while searching for our life-long mate?

Please do not brand swinging with a scarlet letter or show it to be those in a specific age bracket, income, life-style or depict this as a suburban phenomenon, as all sexually active and healthy adults have an underlying curiosity about this topic, whether or not they will freely admit it.

this is a thriving lifestyle whose participants are just everyday folks. they are doctors, nurses, teachers, salespeople, mechanics, lawyers, bank employees, business owners, media peolpe, and college administrators. you probably already know at least one swinging couple (but probably don't know that they are swingers) and you may run into several in the course of everyday life (was that bank teller a swinger? or what about that nurse?). swingers come in all shapes, sizes, & ages and tend to be very selective about who they 'play' with. most couples have ground rules in place before going to a party or club as to what their boundaries are and 'play' within those boundaries. clubs are almost exclusively alcohol free and drugs are rare at house parties. participants are all consenting adults who enjoy a more liberated lifestyle. it is not for everyone, but for some it is an enjoyable hobby and social group that has rich rewards for the couples that participate.

We'll add our story to the comments... Happily married for 15 years, 4 kids, down-to-earth, friendly, and well balanced. And yes, we have sex with other people (when we can find the time).

Given the divorce rate and infidelity statistics, maybe more couples should try swinging. It's not a cure for a broken relationship, but being honest about sexual interests may just open their relationships to better communication, trust, and adventure!

Apparently I've been living under a rock, as this story is shocking to me. I'm not judging the people, just the acts themselves, and I do believe it is a sinful lifestyle and will eventually reap only pain, despite the belief that it brings couples closer. The choices are yours but the consequences are not of your choosing. There will be consequences if not immediate, in the future. These comments will probably stir up controversy to an already controversial topic, however, it is my opinion -b

Carey,
Heard about your story, thought I'd clue you in on our side.. Married 22 years, two teens above 15. Moved from NJ to AZ 4 years ago. Hard to make Vanilla friends Absolutely.. Hard to make Lifestyle friends.. absolutely NOT. We have met incredible out going, friendly, moral people with in the lifestyle. They have taken us under their wing, introduced us to other friends and now we find we have a full and happy life here in AZ.. SEX.. well it's a benefit, and a vibrator on life. My husband and I could not eat cherrios everyday of our lives with out wondering what that bowl of LIFE tastes like too.
Do we share it with our vanilla friends, some.. and then what happens.. they want to try it too.. or they are closed minded and make comments, that lead us to believe they are jealous of what we can do together.
Do we have Rules? Absolutely
1. married people play with married people.. we are looking for spice and enhancement of the good thing we have already. Single people play with singles cuz they are looking for love not only spice.
2. NO LIES.. we don't meet or play with any liars..or Cheaters.
3. NO DRAMA - Everyone must be on the same channel.
4. Saftey .. Party hats People..
5. Share our impressions of a party or get together.

I say 22 years is pretty great for a couple to be married, we still let eachother know how much we love eachother, and the life we've created here. We just toasted to an additional 22 years+ at lunch.. just to remind ourselves how lucky and blessed we are to have eachother and our family.

May you and your fiance.. be as happy as we are down the road.

F (who types and is the social coordinator/party planner) & B who makes sure everyone is safe and well taken care of..

btw: our parties tend to be "DRY" with no alcohol or very limited amounts.

Smile. it's friday.

We have talked about this and were wondering how do you know where to find other couples? I assume you dont just approach an attractice couple in the supermarket if they like to swing :)

We've been married for almost 24 years and just recently joined the lifestyle. Our reasons are joining are:

1. It's so easy to meet people who have a lot in common with you and you really enjoy and want to hang out with
2. The social aspects - there's always SOMETHING going on (and no it doesn't always involve sex.)
3. It allows us to fulfill fantasies that we have.

As a fringe benefit we find that we take much better care of ourselves and are sexier at 40 than we were in our 20s. As for comments regarding "damage" that we'll receive because of the lifestyle... I don't buy it. True, we must feel some kind of connection with another couple before we play, but when it's over everyone understands that it's done. There's no emotional attachment, no "feelings of love" just a group of people who all feel like they had a good time.

There was a study done on Swingers vs. the general population by Bellarmine University, a Catholic university in Kentucky. Here are some interesting statistics according to that study:

• 71% of Swingers answered that they belong to a local church, synagogue, or Mosque vs 62% of the general population
  
• Regarding happiness of their marriage 79% of Swingers said they were Very happy in their marriage vs 64% of the general population
  
• When asked about happiness in life 59% of swingers rated themselves as "Very Happy" vs 32% of the general population.
  

We had one encounter through a mutual friendship encounter. Since then we havent met any other couples. Does anyone have any suggested ways to find other couples?

I am a happily married man of 20 years, and we tried the lifestyle after 15 years of marriage, and it was unbelievable. Our marriage was stronger than ever, but we were looking for something more adventurous and exciting. Yes, more exciting. We had rules! No straight sex! However, anything else went, and it was incredible. What was even more incredible was our sex in the future! Talking about it and thinking about it was very moving and exciting.

Remember, we did not do it because we were bored with each other or our sex life was poor; we did it to check it out and see what the big thrill was. We found it!

Warning...Your partner has to be in it for the same reason you are. There is no ties with other partners or cheating of any kind. It becomes a very open style of communication that is very exciting and invigorating.